💥 THE BRIEFING
I flew into Minneapolis last minute for a work trip this week. Instead of staying at some sterile downtown hotel, I chose to crash at my cousin's house. It’s rare for a family member to be in the same category as a best friend, siblings might rank there but usually not a cousin that lives across the country.
Her and her husband just welcomed their second daughter in under 2 years. Their home is pure chaos and pure joy.
I'm sitting on their sofa Tuesday evening after an afternoon of work meetings and a team dinner, watching my cousin in full mom mode. Last time I saw her she was pregnant with her first, so I hadn’t yet seen her as a mom, and here she is in the thick of it. The almost-2-year-old is doing what almost-2-year-olds do, and the newborn needs constant attention, including her husband. Both kids are being, well, kids.
And my cousin? She's calm. Patient. Loving them through the chaos. Jokes about breast feeding here and there, comment about lack of sleep sure, but loving.
Before I flew home yesterday morning I met up with a great friend and former boss. This guy has talked me off more ledges than I can count, and I don’t think he even realizes it (he will now since he’s a subscriber), not only is he one of the most talented people in our company, close to achieving his black belt in Jiu Jitsu, but he also happens to be an incredible father. We're sitting at some coffee shop where we talk for an hour sharing stories and catching up the narrative for this week’s newsletter starts to settle in my brain.
I've seen John 3:16 on In-N-Out cups, Tim Tebow's eye black, coffee mugs, bumper stickers. It's everywhere. And maybe that's the problem? Maybe we've become so familiar with it that we've stopped seeing it, stopped noticing it.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
But here's what I realized sitting in that coffee shop: agape love is all around us. We can see it every time a parent loves their kid through a tantrum, through disobedience, through failure. It's the only kind of love I've personally witnessed that truly mirrors what Jesus is describing here.
For almost 2000 years, people have been adding to the gospel. Complicating it. Making it harder than it needs to be. But the truth is the truth: whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Even Nicodemus, with all his religious training, couldn't grasp what Jesus was saying. But Jesus didn't give him a theology lecture. He gave him one sentence that explains everything.
The cross isn't just showing us the love of the Son. It's showing us the heart of the Father.
This isn't just the most famous verse in the Bible. It might be the most important one. Because everything we need to know about God, about ourselves, about how to love our kids - it's all right there.
Most of the time, let's be honest, we're only capable of phileo love for our brothers and sisters. Conditional love. Love that depends on how we're feeling, how tired we are, what's in it for us.
But sometimes, sometimes you catch glimpses of agape peeking through. Like watching a new mom show patience she didn't know she had while going through the thick of it with a toddler and newborn. Or an old friend who arguably has more important things to do taking time to grab coffee with you because he knows you might need it.
Agape love is all around us, but because it's so prevalent in those we're closest to, it almost becomes invisible. Like John 3:16 on every mug and burger cup, so familiar we stop seeing it.
But this one sentence? It's everything we need to know about how God loves us. And maybe, just maybe, it's showing us how we're supposed to love our kids too.
🎙️ THE CORNER TALK
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Let's talk about that word "loved."
The Greek here is agape. This isn't the love you feel when your team wins or when your wife makes your favorite dinner. This isn't even the love you have for your kids when they're being good.
Agape is something different entirely. It's love that acts regardless of response. Love that initiates. Love that costs something and gives anyway.
Here's where we've gotten it twisted, and it's messed up how we think about God and how we parent: We've been taught that God was angry with us, so He sent Jesus to take the punishment so God could love us again. Like God was the bad cop and Jesus was the good cop trying to talk Him down.
But that's not what John 3:16 says.
"For God so loved the world..."
The love came first. Not after Jesus died. Not after we got our act together. Not after we proved we were worth it.
The cross wasn't about placating an angry God. The cross was God expressing His love for us. God Himself was on our side. God Himself came to suffer to bring His beloved creation back to Himself.
God Himself. Not God sending someone else to fix what He was too angry to handle. God stepping into our mess because that's what love does.
This changes everything because if God's first response to your worst day, your biggest failure, your most embarrassing moment is love, not disappointment, not frustration, not that edge in His voice, then maybe, just maybe, that should be your first response too.
🥊 THE FIGHT PLAN
This week's drill: The "John 3:16 Check"
When your kid (or anyone) messes up, and they will, probably today, before you react, ask yourself one question:
"What was God's first response to me?"
Not God-the-disappointed-father. Not God-the-frustrated-teacher.
Then respond to your child (or coworker) from that same place.
This doesn't mean no consequences. My kids still have bedtimes and chores (minor ones) and yes, they still get in trouble when they disobey. But it means the discipline flows from love that moves toward them, not frustration that wants to push them away.
Your kids are watching how you respond when they fail. They're learning what love looks like when someone lets you down. They're figuring out if grace is real.
Show them agape. Show them love that acts first, asks questions later.
🤝 THE HUDDLE
Brothers, here's what I keep coming back to.
If we get John 3:16 wrong, we get everything else wrong. We'll parent from performance instead of grace. We'll teach our kids that love has to be earned. We'll pass on the same broken understanding of God that we've been wrestling with.
But if we get it right, if we really understand that God's love for us came first, that the cross was His idea, that He moved toward us when we were moving away from Him, everything changes.
Your kids don't need you to be perfect. They need you to understand that you're imperfect and completely loved anyway. They need to see what it looks like when someone receives agape love and then gives it away.
For God so loved your family, your loud, messy, chaotic, beautiful family, that He gave His one and only Son. That includes your worst parenting day. That includes the moment you lost your temper at your boss, and then kept on being angry when you got home from work. That includes every time you've felt like you're failing at this whole dad thing.
The love came first. The love remains. The love never runs out.
Now go love your kids the same way.
In your corner,
Chance