Can We Get Real?
Dads-giving Recap
A couple weeks ago was our first annual “Dads-giving”. For my whole life, I’ve heard all sorts of renditions of Thanksgiving dependent upon the crowd attending around the holiday, but I’ve never seen anything like this one. It was real, authentic, vulnerable men talking about real things we go through.
Listen, can we get real from the get-go?
Parenting is hard, leading a family is hard, being a man in today’s society is hard, providing for our families is hard, and following Christ is hard. If you think that you have all these together and these things are easy, I strongly encourage you to look yourself in the mirror honestly and ask yourself one question, “Is it all easy or am I just settling?”
Fatherhood is hard for fathers who try.
Luckily, God created men to do hard things.
If you were a fly on the grill of our Dads-giving, you would have seen fathers around a table communing with one another about sports, work, and our every day lives. If you listen long enough, though, you would hear conversations turn from regular commonplace chatter into something much deeper - something much more real.
You would hear of their failures and emotions about fatherhood, sharing the reality of what fathers face today. We didn’t follow guided questions from our church and we didn’t watch a video or read some specific passage of Scripture. Don’t get me wrong - those aren’t bad things. But we had freedom and space to share what’s really going on in our lives with no script. Sometimes, the structure can remove that very freedom.
I observed that freedom of real men being real. It wasn’t prettied up. It was intense and rough around the edges. It may have had a few cuss words dropped throughout the night because sometimes the strongest emotions bring about our strongest language and our imperfections - and I love it because it’s authentic.
Now Jimmy - I get it - yes, fatherhood is hard and life is hard, but I’ve heard it all before. I’ve been a part of guy’s groups and we just don’t get that real. Trust me, I hear you loud and clear.
Can I give you actual examples? If you were at our table that night in my seat, you would’ve heard the following things, and I could only hear from one end of the table:
“I said I’d never be the kind of father I had, now I look in the mirror and that’s all I see.”
“My ex keeps trying to fight so I can’t take the kids to church on Sunday.”
“I feel like all I’m doing is faking it. I don’t know what I’m doing as a dad.”
“My kids are just living on my last nerve all the time. Does it ever get better?”
“I just got laid off after years of service to my company and I keep wondering why I ever trusted such a soulless organization.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to screw up my kids.”
Men - these struggles are real.
Fatherhood. Is. Hard.
BUT, Scripture paints us a path:
“Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” - Proverbs 27:17
“Two are better than one…For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” - Romans 8:28
“The LORD Himself goes before you; He will be with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.” - Deuteronomy 31:8
Men, we were not created to bear our burdens alone. The Lord tells us in Philippians that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Despite what my younger self would’ve said, this context of this verse is not to make me a better athlete. This verse is written by Paul who is in prison, abused, and after being shipwrecked all to share the gospel of Christ. He is writing that through Christ, we can make it through the hardest things in life.
And on a Saturday night a couple weeks before Thanksgiving, Christ showed up through 12 dads who don’t have it figured out and are far from perfect. But, we commit our hardships unto the Lord and do our best to act as the hands and feet of God’s work. So, when our fellow men have hard things come up, we make sure they are met with an arm around their shoulders, encouragement, prayer, and a phone number of someone to call.
And, here’s the cool thing: We get to see those hardships turn into God moments to be celebrated!
“I have every reason to have screwed up kids, but by the Grace of God, they are all walking with the Lord today.”
“The Holy Spirit convicted me and I chose to die to myself so I know my kids can be in church every Sunday.”
“Trust me, we all feel like we’re faking it sometimes. We’ve been there and we’re here for you.”
“My teenage daughter texted me today and wants to come to church with me for the first time tomorrow.”
“My kids are growing up so fast right before my eyes, but thank God they’re growing to know Him as their Savior.”
“It sounds crazy, but God is bringing random connections to me for my next career opportunity.”
“There’s something special here - and it’s not just the smoked turkey.”
The Lord works. 2,000 years ago the Lord worked through a carpenter and a virgin to raise up the Son of God. Then, that Son whose name is Jesus, took 12 imperfect and messed up men, died a death he didn’t deserve so that we may live in perfect union with God one day. And, He used those 12 men to spread that message all over the world.
I’m grateful for the tribe we have and I pray you find yours if you haven’t already. You never know what God can do through a group of men gathered in His name.
In your corner,
Jimmy